


Resolution

by Anne_Marie_Writes



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: AND DRAMA, F/M, Lots of Angst, and pining, basically my version of season 2, continuation of the story, post 1x08
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-12-20 16:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne_Marie_Writes/pseuds/Anne_Marie_Writes
Summary: Sidney and Charlotte are trying to come to terms with their separation.Charlotte thinks she will find solace in a surprise offer to visit London. But can she truly move on when doing so seems to mean resigning herself to a life without love.Sidney is drowning his sorrows, heartbroken and hating himself he’s trying to avoid his self destructive behaviour of ten years ago.  He cannot be with Charlotte and yet she is all he can think about.And then events in London conspire to throw them back into each other’s company. Can they overcome the hurt, resentment and occasional meddling (by well intentioned friends and bitter fiancés) to find their way back to each other?Angst with an eventual HEA





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Sidney sat in the study of Trafalgar House bitterly contemplating the bottom of an empty whiskey glass. Well, at least that was one thing he could put right he thought to himself as he picked up the crystal decanter and poured himself another large measure. He drank it quickly and felt the familiar burn in his throat. He was half desperate, half terrified that he would finally dull the image of Charlotte’s tear stained face from his mind.

He knocked back the last of his drink and stood up unsteadily. He could end his suffering right now, he thought, he could walk into the next room where Eliza sat taking tea with Mary and tell her it was all a terrible mistake and that he couldn’t marry her after all. Then he would mount his horse and ride nonstop to Willingden and throw himself upon Charlotte’s mercy, beg her forgiveness for everything. 

_She would never forgive you._

The thought flashed though his mind as it always did. If he did that he wouldn’t be worthy of her- he may as well hand Tom in to Newgate Prison and throw Mary and the children out on the street himself if he left Eliza now. Her money was all that stood between his brothers family and ruination.

In his heart he knew that if Charlotte had asked him to abandon them all and chose her then he would have. That was why he wasn’t good enough for her. 

Every time a door had been slammed in his face during that awful week in London, every time another idea had crumpled he’d known he would lose her. How could she, his good, sweet Charlotte love a man who couldn’t even save his own brother! He had known when he was out of all options except Eliza that he had no choice. The harsh truth was Charlotte could never love a man who allowed his brother, the man who had once saved him from debt, to lose everything whilst he stood idly by. The only way he could get her back was a sure way of losing her anyway. He was trapped.

She would be better without him, in the end she would come to see that. Her heart was broken now; the thought of the pain she must be going through made him feel desperate, like he was being choked by invisible hands. But Charlotte was better than him, better than he could ever be and he took a small comfort in thinking that one day she would realise she had been selling herself short by settling for him. He prayed that she would find the courage to live her life without him, even if the thought of her doing so made him want to run to the sea and keep swimming till it swallowed him whole.

_Damn it all!_

There were tears running down his face again. He swiftly wiped them away, his misery interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at the door. He heard Georgiana before he saw her.

He had been avoiding his ward ever since Charlotte left. He didn’t want to see the disappointment he knew he would find in her eyes. Still he knew in his heart that he couldn’t avoid her forever. He poured another glass of whiskey and tried to steel himself for a conversation he did not want to have.

“Sidney.” Was all the greeting he received from her. Georgiana stormed into the room throwing her reticule down onto the table before her. She folded her arms and looked at him eyebrows arched, clearly waiting for an explanation.

“Ah Georgiana, how nice to see you.” His words were careful and measured. The ease with which he slipped back into the mask of aloof detachment he’d worn for the last ten years surprised even himself. The fact that he was drinking whiskey in the early afternoon was the only outward sign that all was not well with him.

Georgiana continued to stare at him, Sidney returned her glare with a cool gaze of his own, unsure and unwilling to start a discussion about Charlotte which he was sure Georgiana wished to have.

“Well, aren’t you going to explain yourself then?” She said, her attempt at giving him the silent treatment abandoned.

“I could ask you the same thing. Where is Miss Griffiths?” He deflected her question. Perhaps if he scolded her for going out alone she would forget why she had come here and he could avoid the questions he didn’t want to answer.

“What you think I can get away from that old bat! I have before, tried to get to London but forgot to bring fare for the coach. I walked to the cliffs instead and thought perhaps I’d just jump off them-“

Sidney turned away to hide the shock on his face. Of course he knew that Georgiana hadn’t exactly been happy to come to Sanditon but never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined that things had been that bad for her. He thought of Charlotte hadn’t she been the one to tell him he hadn’t done enough for Georgiana.

“I wouldn’t have gone through with it.” Georgiana continued. “But Charlotte wasn’t to know that when she came and comforted me. That afternoon with her was the first time I had enjoyed myself in months. But you are determined to rip away every bit of happiness I can find on this miserable island. First you took me from Otis and now you have driven Charlotte away with your lies.”

“I did not lie to her.” The words came out harsher than he had meant them to, his own anger and frustration at the hopelessness of his situation bleeding into them.

“Yes you did! Fed her some nonsense about being your best self with her. You should have seen her the next morning when she told me, so full of hope like you were some kind of prince charming, I told her you were not to be trusted but she didn’t listen to me.” 

Her angry words were like a slap to his face. The thought of Charlotte happily telling Georgiana of his confession, knowing that she trusted in him and that he had taken her trusting, loving heart and crushed it in his hands. He was the worst of men.

“You assured me that you were not going to ruin her happiness.” Georgiana’s voice rose in anger. “Your word cannot be trusted. I will never understand what it is people see in you. First my father and then Charlotte. Tell me do you ever spare Papa a thought other than to grieve the fact that he left you with such a troublesome burden?”

“You know I do!” He shouted, his cool mask slipping.

“Then why have you broken the promise you made him?” Her voice was quiet now, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly as Georgiana turned to leave. “I will try to be a better guardian to you.”

Georgiana stopped at the doorway and looked back at him with something boarding on disdain in her eyes. “That is not the promise I meant.”

“Georgianna I…” He made to follow her, she couldn’t truly be throwing that final conversation he’d had with her father in his face now. Couldn’t she see he was trying his best? “Georgiana wait.” He called as he followed her out into the entranceway determined to explain himself, explain it all to her if she would listen.

“Sidney.” He stopped instantly at the sound of Eliza’s voice. “Is everything okay? I heard shouting.”

“I was just having a conversation with my ward. I don’t think I’ve had a chance to introduce you yet, this is…” He’s speech was cut off by the sound of Georgiana slamming the door.

“Ah,” Eliza said with a tight smile. “What a charming girl. Well, as you are finished could you come into the drawing room I wish to discuss some wedding details with you.”

Sidney clenched his jaw part of him wanted to follow Georgiana, part wanted to return to Tom’s study where quiet and an unfinished glass of whiskey were waiting for him, none of him wanted to discuss weddings with Eliza. Charlotte’s admonition flashed through his mind reminding him that he had a duty to make Eliza happy. He tried his best to smile as he offered her his arm and allowed himself to be led away.

~~~

Charlotte knelt in the mud, her skirts pulled up past her knee’s so that they wouldn’t be stained, no one was likely to come wondering into the kitchen garden that wasn’t family so the bottom half of her legs being on display hardly mattered. There were, it seemed, some advantages to being home in Willingden.

It wasn’t really her job to gather the vegetables for dinner, usually Abigail the family’s maid and cook would tend to this but it was early September and all hands were on deck to bring in the harvest on her father’s small estate. She didn’t mind really, it was important to keep her hands busy and her mind off everything that had happened in Sanditon. 

She pulled up the carrots and placed them into her basket with a little more force than necessary as she remembered Eliza’s dig about her being a famers’ daughter at the Regatta. She could just imagine the way the woman would look down her nose if she saw her now.

_ “Look Sidney, aren’t you glad you didn’t marry such a provincial little nobody_.” The vision said.

Well she was right, she was a farmer’s daughter and she wouldn’t allow the memory of that woman to make her ashamed of it. It hadn’t bothered Sidney anyway at least not until-

At the thought of everything that had happened between them after the regatta tears sprung into her eyes. She sat back on her heels and stared blankly into the distance as she allowed herself the luxury of letting them fall unchecked down her face. The house here was so full; she was not even free to weep in her room at night in case she woke her sisters. She had done her best to keep her emotions in check since she’d come home. She did not wish to burden everyone else with her troubles, it was no use anyway. It was over now and best to be forgotten.

Except, she could never forget him, not for all her days, she would live with the memory of their love and that would have to sustain her she supposed.

No one in her family had commented on her melancholy, they wrote it off as missing her great adventure she supposed. Only Alison had asked her what the good news was that she had mentioned in her letter a few weeks before her return home and Charlotte had been able to brush it off as excitement about attending Lord and Lady Babington’s wedding. Alison had looked at her disbelievingly but not asked any more questions. Charlotte was grateful for that.

She cried for a short while in the peace and then returned to digging the carrots Abigail needed for dinner this evening. The quiet was disturbed by the sound of hurried footsteps and Alison calling to her.

“Charlotte, Charlotte make haste.”

“Alison? What on earth is the matter?” She stood up and shook the mud around her skirts.

“There is…the most…enormous…carriage approaching.” Alison gasped out, trying to talk and catch her breath at the same time.

Charlotte felt as if her heart had stuttered to a stop, surely it couldn’t be, had he come to tell her he’d changed his mind. 

But no, she thought just as the carriage came into view. He wouldn’t come in a carriage he’d come on horseback. Nevertheless her heart still thumped nervously in her chest. She watched the carriage round a corner and come fully into view when something caught her eye- the Denham Crest.

“What an earth can she want?” Charlotte asked aloud.

“Who?” Cried Alison who was still breathless with excitement.

“Lady Denham, from Sanditon.”

~~~

“Well Miss Heywood.” Lady Denham said some time later when she was seated in the Heywood’s small parlour. “It seems I have arrived just in time.”

“Indeed Ma’am, I am most surprised by your visit.” Charlotte said, folding her hands into her lap in the hopes that Lady Denham didn’t see the mud under her fingernails.

“Hmm, I suppose you are,” muttered the older woman. “I won’t beat around the bush Miss Heywood I’ve come to ask you to accompany me to London.”

“To, to accompany you to…” Charlotte stuttered.

“Speak up girl, don’t go mousy on me now it would be a great disappointment and I have been disappointed enough of late.”

“Forgive me, it’s just, I am a little surprised at your asking me.”

“I have need of a little lively conversation and company at times Miss Heywood. Clara Brereton disgraced herself and Esther has had the audacity to get married leaving me quite alone. I often to go London for a month or two in the autumn Miss Heywood and I should like you to accompany me.”

“I’m flattered Lady Denham.” Charlotte replied, her mind racing to try and process all that Lady Denham was saying.

“Yes well, London isn’t as busy as it is during the height of the season. Most of the Ton won’t arrive for a few months yet but personally I prefer it that way. Anyway, there should still be enough people there for us to go out occasionally and see if we can’t find you that rich husband you are always saying that you do not want.”

Charlotte’s mouth dropped open. She was offended by Lady Denham still believing that she was after a husband and also hurt by the painful memories of how close she had actually come to getting one. Before she could think of what to say Lady Denham spoke again.

“Do not labour under the misconception Miss Heywood that I have come here to ask you if you would like to come. I have come here to tell you that you are coming and that is the end of the matter.”

“Thank you Lady Denham, but I do not think I could leave my family so soon after returning to them.”

“Oh shush, I’ve seen how many children your parents have got running about the place they can hardly be expected to miss one.”

Charlotte felt as if her head was spinning. It was not that she did not wish to go to London, in fact a change of scene and a busier pace of life might be exactly what she needed. However she was afraid, she knew Eliza Campion had a house in London and if she went she could be forced into the same company as Sidney and she wasn’t sure if that was something her heart could endure. She had determined on that miserable carriage ride home that it would be better if they did not see each other again. She could not trust herself to continue the pretence that she was happy with this arrangement. She was so caught up in her own reflections that she missed the knowing way in which Lady Denham was assessing her.

“You will of course meet some acquaintances in London.” She said.

“I will?” Charlotte’s breath caught in her throat.

“Yes, Lord and Lady Babington are currently in town. But as for any other acquaintances,” Lady Denham paused and gave Charlotte a shrewd glance. “You can rest assured that they are all remaining safely in Sanditon.”

“Oh,” Charlotte replied not quite sure how to hide her relief. “In that case I should be very grateful to accompany you Lady Denham.”

“Yes, you shall. Now run along girl and tell your mother. I shall return for you in an hour.”

Charlotte knew she had been dismissed so she curtsied and left the room to find her mother and pack her things for London.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thanks to everyone on tumblr who said they would like to read a continuation story from where 1x08 left off. As you can see Sidney is in the depths of despair and poor Charlotte is burying her feelings.
> 
> Good job she'll be safely in London and there is no chance of them running into each other *mwa ha ha*.
> 
> Of course as we are picking up where the story left off there will be lots of angst.
> 
> Please leave me a comment to let me know what you think because writing this chapter broke my heart a little.
> 
> Also I haven’t forgotten about my Sidney’s realisation series and I will still write them but just wanted to get this started first
> 
> Also feel free to come and say hello on tumblr @lady-susan-knows


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

The rain pounded against the window, the dismal drizzle hadn’t stopped in the whole week that she had been in London. Dark clouds cast a grey hue over the city that matched Charlotte’s downcast mood. She had tried to be impressed with Lady Denham’s splendid London town house. Tried to muster some of the awe or excitement she knew she would have felt if she’d come here a few months ago but it all fell flat. It took almost every ounce of conscious effort she could muster to summon up a suitable show of excitement for the old lady. It was contrary to her nature, which had always been open and honest but she was careful to keep up a cheerful façade around Lady Denham, she lived in constant fear of the older woman seeing through her and discovering her distress. She could not help but feel that Lady Denham was the last person she would want to know of her woes and so every time the Parker's where mentioned, in the most derogatory of terms, by the lady Charlotte forced her feelings aside and plastered a smile on her face in an attempt to be courteous.

When she had first agreed to come to London it had been her hope that the change of scenery and peace and quiet would help her to overcome the grief of her loss but she had been disappointed on both fronts. The setting of Lady Denham’s stylish London town house could not have been worse. It was situated on Grosvenor Square and every time Charlotte came or went she had the mortification of having to look upon the house of Mrs Maudsley and remember the Masquerade ball which had been in equal parts the most wonderful and most confusing evening of her life.

The peace and quiet she had hoped would help her order her mind and quiet her disappointed hopes had instead left her with far too much time to dwell on them. Lady Denham was still fatigued from her recent brush with illness and had taken up the habit of having a lie down every afternoon which had afforded Charlotte plenty of time to herself and yet she was no closer to closing the wounds that had been opened after the midsummer ball.

As the weeks passed she found that her pain grew worse instead of better. Her love for him seemed to continue to grow instead of diminishing. She tried to occupy herself with reading, sewing and had even attempted some architectural drawings but nothing seemed to be able to hold her attention for more than a few moments, it seemed her melancholy had stolen her productiveness as well as her joy. Every time she spent another miserable afternoon wretchedly reflecting on all that had passed a gnawing doubt at the back of her mind grew louder and more persistent- what if this was it now? What if life without Sidney Parker was destined to be dull and grey and miserable? How did you move on once you had lost the love of your life?

Charlotte shook her head as if doing so would somehow remove such dreary thoughts from her mind. She was grateful that in doing so her attention as caught by the Babington carriage pulling up in the street outside. 

The new Lady Babington was expected, Charlotte was to accompany Esther and Lady Denham to visit a Modiste which they had assured Charlotte was the most fashionable in London and located on Oxford Street just a short journey from Lady Denham’s. Charlotte felt sure they would be able to walk it but was informed that they would driving, and had to admit that although she was usually fond of walking the weather did make a carriage preferable.

Charlotte was soon settled into Lady Babington’s stylish Town Coach. She was sat on one side next to Esther and Lady Denham sat opposite. The conversation between aunt and niece had been revolving around the fact that Lord Babington had ordered his new bride a stylish curricle and matching pair of horses as she had shown an inclination to enjoy driving his own similar vehicle. He had commissioned it to be ready for the start of the London Season in January. Esther had made the mistake of mentioning that she meant to drive herself around London in it and her aunt had been voicing her disapproval of the scheme. The conversation had begun shortly after Esther’s arrive at Grosvenor square and Lady Denham seemed in no mood to drop it now that the coach they were in began to sway into motion. Charlotte therefore settled herself down to look out the window at the sights on their short journey- the London traffic slowing them down and affording her good view.

She was most surprised to find herself called into the conversation shortly after they had set off.

“And what say you Miss Heywood, to Esther’s grand scheme of driving herself around for all to see.”

“I see no harm in it,” Charlotte said with a smile. “Lord Babington clearly does not mind or he would not have brought it for her.”

“Lord Babington is in love, and all men in love are fools.” The older woman replied.

“Really aunt.” Esther said with a sigh.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me because you are the one who benefits from it! If you remain sensible and do not allow yourself to be made a fool of by loving him in return you will have power over your husband for the rest of your days.”

Esther ignored her aunt and turned her attention to the raindrops that were tapping against the window as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Charlotte stared at her in confusion, she had been present at the Babington’s wedding, had seen the smiles, the kisses, the beaming bride and joyful groom. She’d nursed her own deep jealousy along with her happiness for Esther. She’d spent the whole day feeling like it should have been her as well as Esther in the bridal veil, she had been certain she’d seen the same love on Esther’s face that she had felt in her own heart, surely Lady Denham couldn’t mean that Esther did not love her husband.

“Forgive me,” Charlotte said unable to stop herself. “Surely you love Lord Babington, why else would you marry him?”

“Ah ha,” Lady Denham laughed. “See, this is why I brought you to London Miss Heywood. You are always so forward with your opinions. Now, Esther, you have shocked your romantic young friend, how do you answer her?”

“Love has very little to do with a successful marriage Miss Heywood,” said Esther in a bored voice. “It was my dear aunt that taught me that.”

Charlotte sat forward a response in defense of love all but ready to spring from her lips but then her own disappointment came rushing back into her mind and the words died on her tongue and she sat back deflated.

“Well Miss Heywood, you had something to say?” Lady Denham questioned.

Charlotte thought of her parents, who were very much in love and on whom Charlotte had based most of her opinions and hopes of what a marriage should be.

“I had always thought that love was the very foundation of a successful marriage.” Charlotte said more to herself than the others.

Lady Denham answered her none the less.

“Marriage is a business arrangement, especially for girls without fortune such as yourself or Esther before she married.”

“But to marry without love…” Charlotte began.

“I know your thoughts on a marriage without love very well Miss Heywood.” Lady Denham cut in. “In case you remember you told me them most forcefully at my luncheon. You said it would be a kind of slavery.”

Sidney’s parting words flashed through her mind.

_“I do not love her you know.”_

Charlotte felt an ache in her chest, had he doomed himself to a life of slavery to save his brother. But no, she reminded herself, he’d loved Eliza before and he would love her again. There had been enough affection there for him decide marrying her was a viable option. It was only Charlotte who was truly doomed to a life without love.

“Anyway I never said there could be no love,” Lady Denham continued sharply. “Love is essential. Only do not let yourself fall in love only the man. Any young girl of little or no fortune who gives her heart to a man before marriage will inevitably have it broken- it is infinitely better to be loved than to love, ask Esther.”

Charlotte’s heart gave a squeeze of agony, if only someone had told her this sooner she thought, maybe then she would not have been so naive.

“Poor Charlotte,” said Esther with a dry smile. “It seems my aunt has made you her new project, do be careful that she doesn’t start writing to young men for you and keep an eye out for her list of potential husbands, no doubt she will have it drawn up somewhere.”

“Nonsense, I mean only to advise. My advice, as you know, is excellent.”

Charlotte was relieved to feel the coach rolling to a stop, distracting the two other ladies from a conversation that had taken a turn that made her feel ill at ease.

A footman opened the door for them and held out an umbrella. Charlotte was admittedly quite interested to see what a London Modiste was like. She imagined it to be a world away from the simple dress makers that she had frequented in Willingden and Sanditon.

The rain meant they had to hasten inside, she had only time to note that it had a simple exterior with a beautiful display of bonnets in the window and that the sign above the door read Mrs Bell’s before they were inside.

It was the Mrs Bell herself that greeted them as they entered. She made a great fuss over Lady Denham and Esther and was polite to Charlotte. She saw the younger to women seated on an overstuffed settee and sent one of her assistants to get the some tea whilst she ushered Lady Denham into the back to have the dresses she had ordered fitted.

The tea arrived and Charlotte busied herself in pouring two cups. Her companion was not the sort of girl with whom one felt they could naturally confide. She always seemed so indifferent and almost unfriendly. But Charlotte’s interest had been sparked by the conversation on the way here and she could not help wondering over and over whether Esther truly could have meant she was happily married and yet not in love with her husband.

“Lady Babington, I must ask.” She said, unable to hold her curiosity in no longer.

“You may call me Esther if you wish.” The invitation to use her first name was made in a way that was unique to Esther, she could say something that should show an increased intimacy between the two of them and yet it almost sounded like an insult.

“Esther,” Charlotte continued. “I don’t mean to pry only, you seem so happy. Surely you cannot mean what you said before.”

“Do I seem happy?”

“Yes, at least at your wedding you seemed to be.”

“I was.”

The simple statement left Charlotte confused and she frowned as she tried to get her mind around it.

“Surely that means that you must love your husband?”

“Has it ever occurred to you that love does not always equal happiness? In fact it may very well cause the completed opposite.”

Charlotte felt a heat rise in her cheeks as Esther’s words struck a chord with her that she could not deny. Love had caused her, with the exception of a very few moments nothing but grief and heart ache. She busied herself with drinking her tea and hoped that Esther wouldn’t notice.

“I have been in love Charlotte and I found it most disagreeable. I can assure you that I have found far greater happiness in my loveless marriage than I ever did in love.”

“But what of Lord Babington?” Charlotte asked as she tried to make sense of what she was being told.

“He is not a fool. He knows I do not love him. Our marriage is entirely without pretense. He is happy to be in love with me and I am happy to be loved.” Esther leaned forward and fixed Charlotte with a stare that seemed piece right through her. “Do not pin all your hopes on love Charlotte, it will inevitably fail you and we young women must find a way to live without it.”

It was all that Charlotte could do to stop herself from squirming in her seat at the scrutiny. She knew Lord Babington and Sidney where friends, perhaps Esther knew what had happened between them. She was most grateful that the return of Lady Denham meant that it was now Esther’s turn to go with Miss Bell and have her dresses fitted. Charlotte was left attempting to pay attention to Lady Denham’s chatter whilst trying to calm the whirl pool of thoughts in her own head.

Esther returned in due course and Charlotte assuming they were about to leave stood up and began to place her bonnet back on her head.

“What is the rush Miss Heywood? It is your turn now.” Lady Denham said.

Charlotte felt herself flush to the roots of her hair.

“This shop and these dresses are beautiful. However I have no need of new clothes at the moment and if I did I am afraid this shop would be out of my price range.”

“I had no expectation that you would pay.” Lady Denham looked un-amused.

“I could not accept such a gift.”

“It would not be a gift, I abhor charity. I ordered some dresses a few months back for myself and Clara’s winter wardrobe. I forgot to cancel them and since they have already been sewn together they may as well be altered to fit you. I detest waste.”

Charlotte could tell that Lady Denham would not allow her to argue and so she bobbed a courtesy and allowed herself to be shown into the shops inner rooms.

Mrs Bell ushered her into a curtained room and asked her to stand up on a small stool that stood in front of three large mirrors positioned in a semi-circle.

“You’re not quite as well look as Miss Brereton.” Mrs Bell muttered as she began fussing around Charlotte with her tape measure. “Your figure is not fashionable, and the ladies of London will say you are too tanned.”

Charlotte looked at her reflection in the mirror and frowned. She had never been overly bothered with her looks, she liked a pretty dress as much as the next girl and she had been insulted about her unfashionable appearance before so why did it seem to hurt her now?

Was it because she feared that might have been part of the reason it had been so easy for Sidney to reject her. He was so very handsome she had scarcely dared to believe he could have returned her affections. But he had kissed her, on that glorious morning when they had walked along the cliffs and she had been so perfectly happy, he must have thought her pretty then, at least a little. But he had pulled away she remembered, even as she herself had tried to search for his lips again. He had never tried to kiss her in such away again, although there had been opportunity. Maybe she had been bad at it? Could it be, she wondered as she stared at her face, that if she looked more like Eliza she could have kept him, that he would not have been able to bare to part with her no matter how bad the circumstances. His love for her had not been enough for him to find some other way to save his brother. Perhaps he had not really loved her at all and was even now toasting to his lucky escape with Mrs Campion. What if she was the only fool who had allowed herself to be so fully in love? Her heart ached

“Oh Miss I am sorry, I meant no offense. Your looks are not fashionable but they are very fine. It is only ladies and dandies that worry about fashionable looks anyway. Anyone with eyes cannot deny that you have your own beauty.” Mrs Bell said patting Charlotte’s shoulder in a motherly way.

Charlotte realised that she had tears rolling down her face.

“I do beg your pardon.” Charlotte said swiping them away with a weak smile. “It was not you it was just…I just realised something that is all.”

“Something that makes you sad?”

“Yes, but I shall try to be happier.”

Esther was right, love brought nothing but pain and she could not stop herself from loving Sidney Parker any more than she could stop her heart from beating. She would have to try and find a way to live around the permanent ache and hope that she too could find a way to be happy without love.

~~~

A short while later the three ladies exited the shop, unknown to them a pair of unfriendly eyes had been watching for them. The Babington coat of arms on the door of the town coach had alerted Sir Edward that his recently married sister must be nearby. His invitation must have gotten lost in the post he thought with a sardonic smile. His smile grew wider as he saw his dear Aunt was with her, she must have recovered enough to travel to London, this was convenient indeed. He almost turned away, keen not to be spotted when he noticed Charlotte. Well, he thought, this would make things interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all,
> 
> I am so so sorry this has taken so long to update, especially to those who messaged me on tumblr and were promised this much sooner. I'm afraid we had a family death and I just didn't have the time mentally or emotionally to write. 
> 
> I'm back on it now and pouring all my angst into this story as you can see.
> 
> Poor Charlotte is really doubting herself and her whole view of love and marriage and what she expected out of life. (seeing as getting married was a pretty big thing you expected to do if you was a young lady in regency england).
> 
> Also Esther x Babington fans I am among you. I will be addressing the unequal affections in their relationship over the course of this fic as well, have no fear, I love them and they deserve happiness to.
> 
> As always please feel free to come and talk to me on tumblr my blog is lady-susan-knows.
> 
> And please leave a comment below if you can (they basically feed me lol) I promise it wont be so long before the next update.


End file.
